Halloween Costumes Banned From Disney World

Suicide Mistaken for Halloween Decoration

FREDERICA, Del.- The apparent suicide of a woman hanging from a tree went unreported for hours because passers-by thought the body was a Halloween decoration, authorities said. The 42 year old woman used rope to hang herself across from the street from some homes on a moderately busy road late Tuesday or early Wednesday, state police said. The body, suspended about 15 feet above the ground, could easily be seen from passing vehicles. State police spokesman Cpl. Jeff Oldham and neighbors said people noticed the body at breakfast time Wednesday but dismissed it as a holiday prank. Authorities were called to the scene more than three hours later. They thought it was a holiday decoration," Fay Glanden, wife of mayor William Glanden, told The (Wilmington) News Journal.

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Old City Bouncers Beat Up Patrons for Fun

The other night I was asked to go to Old City. I have really come to despise this place. I guess if you don't mind paying eight dollars a drink and waiting twenty minutes, then it might be alright. Old City is filled with a bunch of stuckup women and steroid injecting metrosexual men. If you don't tip the bartender at least five dollars a drink, then you will never be served again. Anyways, the whole point of the article was to discuss the violence in Old City. I'm sitting next to the bar in some place called World Fusion. Everybody is having an alright time. Some guy tips the bartender a dollar for two drinks and the bartender is infuriated. I guess a dollar tip is not enough in "Old City." The bartender calls over the bouncer and they grab the guy by his neck and then drag him out of the bar. To top it off, the bartender keeps his credit card. After the guy is booted, you can see the bouncers high fiving and laughing at the guy they just kicked out. This process is repeated throughout the night. I am basically standing at the bar like a mummy hoping that the bartender doesn't point at me. In conclusion, peace out old city. I'll stick to my dive bar.

Best Drunk Eats In Philadelphia

I was throwing beers back since 6:00 pm and it was officially 2:15 a.m in the morning. Since my dinner was a liquid one, it about that time to hit up the late night diners in Philadelphia. I have been to almost every Midtown diner after 2:00 am and they are all the same. Tonight I am going to the infamous "Little Pete's." I was told that in order to be a true Philadelphian, you must eat there. And now, two days later, I really know the real reason. I have been living on my toilet ever since.
Upon arrival, cigarette smoke fills the diner as I glance around. The drunken hazed patrons look like a scence out of a zombie movie. In order to get to the bathroom, one must walk through the kitchen. That was the biggest mistake. The bathroom is basically part of the kitchen. You can wave to the cooks while letting one rip. The trail of pee from the toilet leads right onto the kitchen floor.
Overall, it was a great experience. I have officially become a true Philadelphian.

Sylvester Stallone Climbs Back Into The Ring for "Rocky VI"

Most people thought that the Sly would never put the gloves back on and climb into the ring for Rocky VI. The odd were against him, but Sly has done it again. Long are the days where Philadelphia has been rumored as a bunch of fat, cheese steak eating ghetto thugs. Hopefully, Rock VI will put us back on the map. Stallone will write, direct, and star in the sixth installment.

The synopsis of the film is as follows: "Lonely and at loose ends, retired boxer Rockey Balboa comes out of retirement. He intends to fight a few low-profile local fights just to keep his hands in. When he is approached to fight a match with reigning heavyweight champ Mason "The Line" Dixon, Rocky comes back to the fight of his life.

Homeless Man Wins Yelling Contest !!

Philadelphia Slots: Helping The Poor Stay Poor

Slot machines have many similarities to the lottery. I would bet my savings that 90% of the people that buy lottery tickets are from the lowest income. They have some dream that they are going to win and they become addicted to the thought. We all know that you have a better chance of being struck by lightning. Most people will waste away their money. To have a place like this so convenient to them is nothing but trouble for our poor. Take a look at AC. Donald Trump has had to claim bankruptcy on his own casinos because he can't get the right clientele. AC is a dump. Do you really think Philly is going to bring in the right people to enhance our economy? The only place to run a successful casino is in either Vegas or have the Indians run it like Mohegan Sun. Philadelphia is going to be riddled with more crime and people are going to be throwing away their life savings.

T.O. Sports Cowboys Hat at Press Conference

Here it is... T.O. is rocking the Dallas Lonestar in support of the Cowboys. After McNabb's awful performance, T.O. has shown his displeasure for the Eagles. He explains that the Eagles are better off with a backup quarterback from an area Philadelphia High School.

Dirty Birds Get Bent Over Like a Kensington Hooker

McNabb looked like a spaced out hippie at a Greatful Dead concert during a devastating 33-10 blow out. Former backup quaterback, Drew Bledsow, rocked the eagles with three passing touchdowns. This loss is especially hard because it comes from one of the Eagles biggest rivalries, the Big Dog Dallas Cowboys. No dancing for TO.

David Ortiz "Big Papi" Jumps Ship to New York

David Ortiz, aka "Big Papi" has officially expressed his hatred toward Boston. His goal is to now wear the pinstripes of New York. He stated that Red Sox fans are a bunch of obnoxious pussies. They finally win a championship after 100 years and everyone hops on the bandwagon. Most of these people couldn't name three players. I had one guy call me Mo Vaughn. I'm Big Papi Dammit. Even my teammates are a bunch of fairies. I hope no one saw them on "Queer Eye?" What an embarrassment to the city of Boston. Once my contract is up I would love to play for a real team. Here we have it George... Sign him up...

Mayor Upgrades City Vehicles

Mayor Street has ordered twenty Dodge Vipers for the City of Philadelphia. These bad boys will be desinated only for his top officials in the democrat party. The price tag comes to a total of eight million dollars or roughly four hundred thousand dollars each. That doesn't include gas or insurance... In order to make the hefty purchase, many programs had to cut. The first includes both homeless shelters located in the city and the "Clothes for the Needy Program." When asked about this outragous purchase, the mayor explained that its all about style.....

Legal Felons in Tow Trucks

Its the middle of the night and the tow truck creeps into your apartment complex. The tow truck driver says to his partner, "Fuc*, everyone here is parked legally, what should we do?" His partner replies,"We are taking one of these cars and I don't give a fuc*." "Hitch any car you want." That motherfuc*** will have to pay us anyways. With a big smirk, the driver calls it into the police and says the car was parked illegally. They hitch your car and off they go laughing away... Add another $175 to the $2000 we made tonight.

Later that night, the owner goes to get their car and finds it missing. They call the police and are told that it has been towed. The person is positive the car had a permit sticker. They call and inform the tow company it had a sticker. The tow truck owner tells the person to go f himself and pay him his f...ing money. After the call, the tow owner yells "Code Red" to his partner . The men break out the slimjim and make sure that the sticker isn't there anymore.

The car owner is now forced to pay up or lose their car.....

Welcome to Philadelphia.......