Philadelphia Player

LaSalle is Back

2006-02-08T21:13:00.000-05:00

The Explorers are finally back from the dead after winning three straight games. Umass was served up by Doctor G Money 65-44 at the Mullins Center. They might not be NCAA material but one could only hope for the NIT....

Lets Go Uconn

2006-02-08T18:04:00.000-05:00

If there is a team thats going to beat the crap out of Nova, I'm pretty sure it will be the Uconn Huskies on Monday night. I hope all you Villanova fans have to watch your team get punished worse than the Philadelphia Eagles.

Cha-Ching

2006-02-05T09:14:00.000-05:00

This ain't Vegas or the Indian Casino, but its the city in which you got to "Pay to Play"... Fast Eddie is making sure he gets a piece of the pie. If you want to run a slot parlor on his turf... you bes make sure that you line his pockets.... Ya heard.....

Keepin It Real

2006-01-27T18:39:00.000-05:00

This dude gets our pick of the day. He was a Lasalle student that drained his sorrows with alcohol after watching the Explorers lose another basketball game. I believe that is a Villanova student that our man is aiming for...

Throwing in the Towel for LaSalle Basketball

2006-01-22T21:51:00.000-05:00

I'm officially ending all hopes for LaSalle University's Basketball Team.. Its bad enough to lose by 41 points to Villanova, but now we lose to Temple and St. Joes. It was our chance to redeem ourselves and prove we were back in the run. We are up at the half and somehow we find a way to lose. Help us out Doc..

Bareback Mountin'- The New Motion Picture

2006-01-11T18:24:00.000-05:00

We would like to apologize in advance for this one.... This is our take on what the movie trailer should have said. We have not seen the movie and we never will. If your a guy and you have, then you are gay. We don't care if your girlfriend forced you to see it .....

Philadelphia Eagles Vs. Temple Owls: Suck Bowl 2/6/05

2006-01-08T11:39:00.000-05:00

Eagles to play the Owls in a Battle of Philadelphia Football Powerhouses. Lines on the game are even as no one has handicapped the game. According to one of the Vegas Casino gaming professionals, " We are better off putting lines on the "Special Olympics" than saying who will win this one. This game will be shown on CN8, but rumor has it that the game will be pulled due to lack of interest in the Owls, Eagles, and Philadelphia football in general..

Coming Soon... New Interview with Coach Belicheck about Home Opener and New Staff Recruits for the Mighty Owls.....

Bob Belicheck Named New Head Coach for Temple Football

2006-01-05T18:39:00.000-05:00

Bob Belicheck of Northeast Philly has been called to replace Coach Golden. Bob currently runs a hot dog stand on Broad Street. We recently had a chance to talk with Bob about his football background. Bob stated, "I really don't have any knowledge about the game of football. In my frat years, I played a little drunken flag football, but thats about it. You apparently don't have to know anything if you want to coach Temple. Come on, they have 30,000 students and went 0-11 for the season." I guess anyone can apply for that job. Best of luck to you Bob...... Thats all folks..

2006 Temple Football Non-Conference Schedule Announced

2006-01-03T15:24:00.000-05:00

After a historic 0-11 season last year, the Temple Owls are determined to get a Big W in the books. Here is a sneak peak at the possible Temple non-conference schedule. This is due to the MAC conference addition. According to Coach Golden, "My boys need more competitive teams." Folks, here it is.....

1.) Arthur Murray School of Dance - Old Bridge, NJ

2.) ITT Tech - Delaware Campus

3.) CT School of Broadcasting - Paramus, NJ

4.) Temple University Women's Football Club - Philadelphia, PA

5.) LaSalle University - Bucks County Pastoral Grad School

6.) Goodwin College - East Hartford, CT

7.) McCann School - Pottsville, PA

8.) PA School of Massage Therapy - Oaks, PA

9.) Art Instructions School - Online (The Draw the Pirate School)

10.) National Tractor trailer School - Buffalo, NY

11.) All State Trucking - North Versailles, PA

12.) 10th Place Winner Punt, Kick, and Pass Contest

13.) Upstairs Hollywood Medical School - Hollywood, PA ( Home of Dr. Nick from Simpsons)

14.) Restaurant School at Walnut Hill College - Philadelphia, PA

15.) Flamenco Dance Classes by Jo De Romano - NY, NY

16.) Exotic Dance Classes - Just Call 610-692-9889 and ask for Elizabeth

17.) Wake Up Yoga - Philadelphia, PA

Senile Chaney Locks Himself in Janitor's Closet

2005-12-26T13:22:00.000-05:00

John Chaney, aka Tony Soprano, has done it again. I thought it was the door to the gymnasium and it just locked behind me, states Chaney. He also stated that this might be his last year. He plans on coaching girls basketball at the local elementary school. Temple currently has about 30,000 students. Not only do they have one of worst football teams in the country, but their basketball team is a sad story of its own. Maybe the A-10 should wise up like the Big East and boot em out of the conference..

HA HA

2005-12-23T14:13:00.000-05:00

Oh Snap, it appears the mighty mighty Explorers have finally hit a wall. Actually, they smashed into it head on... and weren't wearing their seat belt.
Last night, the #3 ranked Villanova Wildcats were able to do what such national powerhouses as Central Connecticut and Florida International couldn't - defeat the great LaSalle Explorers.
The Wildcats were very confident heading in to this potential 'game-of-the-year' matchup. "If we can beat top teams like Longwood, Stonybrook, Rider and Lehigh", said the Villanova Athletics Department spokeswoman, "then surely we can topple this basketball giant".
It has also been reported that both LaSalle and Villanova will add Holy Family University and the winner of the intermediate level 3-on-3 Hoop It Up Challenge held at Franklin Mills Mall this coming August to their non-conference schedules next season.

Bring Em On....

2005-12-21T12:26:00.000-05:00

LaSalle Defeats the Blue Devils after Four OT's !!!

2005-12-18T17:45:00.000-05:00

It definitely was not a pleasant win, but a win is a win. This may go down as one of the most exciting games ever to be played by LaSalle. After four overtimes, LaSalle was able to drain two free throws with zero seconds left on clock to take the win. Future NBA Superstar "Steven Smith" also scored an amazing 41 points. 6-0 baby.... Top 25. Get ready Villanova, cause were ready ...

King Giannini Leads the Explorers

2005-12-14T18:46:00.000-05:00

LaSalle opens up the season 5-0. After the horrible years of the past, the crowds are finally breaking out the LaSalle gear and riding the wave. Do we finally see a tournament in the future, hopefully the NIT ... The next victim is Central Connecticut this Sunday at 12:00. What we really want is a piece of those punks at Villanova.... and the chance to toss them out of the top 25... Bring em on....

Merry Christmas TO !!!

2005-12-09T17:41:00.000-05:00

We know you are probably laughing your ass off as the Eagles drop the bomb for another year. So heres your Christmas bonus from Andy Reid for your dedication on ruining our season.

LaSalle Puts Drexel in its Place

2005-12-04T20:26:00.000-05:00

Straight out of hard hittin Philly, LaSalle showed the world why Drexel should not be part of the Big 5. The fans of Drexel raved about how good they were. We almost beat UCLA and we only lost by ten to Duke. How about losing by twelve to LaSalle? That's right. Bring it on Villanova.

Villanova : Home of the Gays

2005-11-22T15:46:00.000-05:00

Watch out Billy, here comes Tommy. A new study by the Foundation of Equal Treatment has concluded that Villanova University has one of the highest percentages of gays in the United States. In fact, a record breaking 75%. Thats right, so for all of you fellas that were rejected by
by these stuck up, racking up daddy's credit card rich girls... its all good. She was probably gay. In conclusion, keep it real Homie.

Bon Jovi Signs Up T.O. for the Soul

2005-11-08T18:49:00.000-05:00

Iverson Wears Pimp Suit to the Game

2005-11-05T10:59:00.000-05:00

Bling.. Bling..

Halloween Costumes Banned From Disney World

2005-10-31T17:47:00.000-05:00

Suicide Mistaken for Halloween Decoration

2005-10-28T12:52:00.000-04:00

FREDERICA, Del.- The apparent suicide of a woman hanging from a tree went unreported for hours because passers-by thought the body was a Halloween decoration, authorities said. The 42 year old woman used rope to hang herself across from the street from some homes on a moderately busy road late Tuesday or early Wednesday, state police said. The body, suspended about 15 feet above the ground, could easily be seen from passing vehicles. State police spokesman Cpl. Jeff Oldham and neighbors said people noticed the body at breakfast time Wednesday but dismissed it as a holiday prank. Authorities were called to the scene more than three hours later. They thought it was a holiday decoration," Fay Glanden, wife of mayor William Glanden, told The (Wilmington) News Journal.

This story is brought to you by Yahoo News. Check out the full story at: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20051027/ap_on_us/brf_woman_hanged

Old City Bouncers Beat Up Patrons for Fun

2005-10-27T14:59:00.000-04:00

The other night I was asked to go to Old City. I have really come to despise this place. I guess if you don't mind paying eight dollars a drink and waiting twenty minutes, then it might be alright. Old City is filled with a bunch of stuckup women and steroid injecting metrosexual men. If you don't tip the bartender at least five dollars a drink, then you will never be served again. Anyways, the whole point of the article was to discuss the violence in Old City. I'm sitting next to the bar in some place called World Fusion. Everybody is having an alright time. Some guy tips the bartender a dollar for two drinks and the bartender is infuriated. I guess a dollar tip is not enough in "Old City." The bartender calls over the bouncer and they grab the guy by his neck and then drag him out of the bar. To top it off, the bartender keeps his credit card. After the guy is booted, you can see the bouncers high fiving and laughing at the guy they just kicked out. This process is repeated throughout the night. I am basically standing at the bar like a mummy hoping that the bartender doesn't point at me. In conclusion, peace out old city. I'll stick to my dive bar.

Best Drunk Eats In Philadelphia

2005-10-24T14:32:00.000-04:00

I was throwing beers back since 6:00 pm and it was officially 2:15 a.m in the morning. Since my dinner was a liquid one, it about that time to hit up the late night diners in Philadelphia. I have been to almost every Midtown diner after 2:00 am and they are all the same. Tonight I am going to the infamous "Little Pete's." I was told that in order to be a true Philadelphian, you must eat there. And now, two days later, I really know the real reason. I have been living on my toilet ever since.
Upon arrival, cigarette smoke fills the diner as I glance around. The drunken hazed patrons look like a scence out of a zombie movie. In order to get to the bathroom, one must walk through the kitchen. That was the biggest mistake. The bathroom is basically part of the kitchen. You can wave to the cooks while letting one rip. The trail of pee from the toilet leads right onto the kitchen floor.
Overall, it was a great experience. I have officially become a true Philadelphian.

Sylvester Stallone Climbs Back Into The Ring for "Rocky VI"

2005-10-20T12:47:00.000-04:00

Most people thought that the Sly would never put the gloves back on and climb into the ring for Rocky VI. The odd were against him, but Sly has done it again. Long are the days where Philadelphia has been rumored as a bunch of fat, cheese steak eating ghetto thugs. Hopefully, Rock VI will put us back on the map. Stallone will write, direct, and star in the sixth installment.

The synopsis of the film is as follows: "Lonely and at loose ends, retired boxer Rockey Balboa comes out of retirement. He intends to fight a few low-profile local fights just to keep his hands in. When he is approached to fight a match with reigning heavyweight champ Mason "The Line" Dixon, Rocky comes back to the fight of his life.

Homeless Man Wins Yelling Contest !!

2005-10-18T10:29:00.000-04:00

Philadelphia Slots: Helping The Poor Stay Poor

2005-10-14T18:20:00.000-04:00

Slot machines have many similarities to the lottery. I would bet my savings that 90% of the people that buy lottery tickets are from the lowest income. They have some dream that they are going to win and they become addicted to the thought. We all know that you have a better chance of being struck by lightning. Most people will waste away their money. To have a place like this so convenient to them is nothing but trouble for our poor. Take a look at AC. Donald Trump has had to claim bankruptcy on his own casinos because he can't get the right clientele. AC is a dump. Do you really think Philly is going to bring in the right people to enhance our economy? The only place to run a successful casino is in either Vegas or have the Indians run it like Mohegan Sun. Philadelphia is going to be riddled with more crime and people are going to be throwing away their life savings.

T.O. Sports Cowboys Hat at Press Conference

2005-10-12T17:55:00.000-04:00

Here it is... T.O. is rocking the Dallas Lonestar in support of the Cowboys. After McNabb's awful performance, T.O. has shown his displeasure for the Eagles. He explains that the Eagles are better off with a backup quarterback from an area Philadelphia High School.

Dirty Birds Get Bent Over Like a Kensington Hooker

2005-10-10T12:21:00.000-04:00

McNabb looked like a spaced out hippie at a Greatful Dead concert during a devastating 33-10 blow out. Former backup quaterback, Drew Bledsow, rocked the eagles with three passing touchdowns. This loss is especially hard because it comes from one of the Eagles biggest rivalries, the Big Dog Dallas Cowboys. No dancing for TO.

David Ortiz "Big Papi" Jumps Ship to New York

2005-10-08T15:07:00.000-04:00

David Ortiz, aka "Big Papi" has officially expressed his hatred toward Boston. His goal is to now wear the pinstripes of New York. He stated that Red Sox fans are a bunch of obnoxious pussies. They finally win a championship after 100 years and everyone hops on the bandwagon. Most of these people couldn't name three players. I had one guy call me Mo Vaughn. I'm Big Papi Dammit. Even my teammates are a bunch of fairies. I hope no one saw them on "Queer Eye?" What an embarrassment to the city of Boston. Once my contract is up I would love to play for a real team. Here we have it George... Sign him up...

Mayor Upgrades City Vehicles

2005-10-03T19:42:00.000-04:00

Mayor Street has ordered twenty Dodge Vipers for the City of Philadelphia. These bad boys will be desinated only for his top officials in the democrat party. The price tag comes to a total of eight million dollars or roughly four hundred thousand dollars each. That doesn't include gas or insurance... In order to make the hefty purchase, many programs had to cut. The first includes both homeless shelters located in the city and the "Clothes for the Needy Program." When asked about this outragous purchase, the mayor explained that its all about style.....

Legal Felons in Tow Trucks

2005-10-02T23:46:00.000-04:00

Its the middle of the night and the tow truck creeps into your apartment complex. The tow truck driver says to his partner, "Fuc*, everyone here is parked legally, what should we do?" His partner replies,"We are taking one of these cars and I don't give a fuc*." "Hitch any car you want." That motherfuc*** will have to pay us anyways. With a big smirk, the driver calls it into the police and says the car was parked illegally. They hitch your car and off they go laughing away... Add another $175 to the $2000 we made tonight.

Later that night, the owner goes to get their car and finds it missing. They call the police and are told that it has been towed. The person is positive the car had a permit sticker. They call and inform the tow company it had a sticker. The tow truck owner tells the person to go f himself and pay him his f...ing money. After the call, the tow owner yells "Code Red" to his partner . The men break out the slimjim and make sure that the sticker isn't there anymore.

The car owner is now forced to pay up or lose their car.....

Welcome to Philadelphia.......

Falcons Hit Comes Back to Haunt Eagles

2005-09-28T14:41:00.000-04:00

Everything looked all good. McNabb came back after the devastating loss with two victories. Now, the ghost of the mighty falcon has come back to haunt McNabb. Donovan McNabb has an abdominal strain that will need surgery, says his trainer. How long can McNabb fight the pain? Chad Lavalais was fined 7500 smackers for the incident that was not even called a penalty.

Eagles Can't Handle This..........

2005-09-22T19:08:00.000-04:00

Randy Moss stated in his pressconference: "The Eagles Can't Handle This."

Only 39 Days Left Until All the Fabulous Costumes Are Gone

2005-09-22T15:44:00.000-04:00

Andy Reid - First Male Spokesperson for Jenny Craig

2005-09-21T11:21:00.000-04:00

Andy Reid, coach of the Philadelphia Eagles, will officially become the next spokesperson for Jenny Craig. Coach Reid currently weighed in at a hefty 485 lbs. He stated, " My goal is to weigh around 185lbs." I want to become an inspiration in one of the fattest cities in America. Whats next Reid, a session with the guys from the queer eye.

JOHNNY GILL BI-HOMEWRECKER.....

2005-09-21T09:34:00.000-04:00

Los Angeles -- The ex-girlfriend of New Edition and LSG singer Johnny Gill is now speaking out about her recent split up with the singer . She tells Atlanta Gossip that Johnny is struggling with his sexuality and that Hollywood has put pressure on him to be straight. "Johnny and I broke up earlier this after I became curious about his friendship/relationship with the actor/comedian Eddie Murphy," she said. "Johnny and Eddie have always been very close friends, but I could not compete with their relationship. It was strange... I can't even explain it," she tells Atlanta Gossip.

Other sources tell (AG) that Johnny Gill is actually living in Eddie Murphy's property in CA. A posting on blackvoices.com entertainment forum says this: Rumors are circulating throughout Hollywood about Eddie's divorce battle. Nicole got sick of putting up with him and Johnny Gill. People had warned her years ago about the downlow rumors, even one of her close family members, but she chose not to believe them until she witnessed it. Eddie had got to the point where he didn't care. He often told her that he was the breadwinner and to stop asking him stupid questions about where he was going and who he was with. He became so brazen, Johnny came over to her house every holiday, sitting at the head of the table with Nicole and the kids. Tevin Campball, Sugar Ray, Tyler Perry, and Shemar Moore are also heavily involved in the scenario. They even tried to recruit Mike Tyson (when he had money) but it wasn't his scene. Johnny is pathetic, he was with all these men and did not benefit. Before he returned to New Edition, he was so broke, he lived in Sugar Ray's guest house and I heard his wife wasn't happy about it.

At the New Edition Album release party, sources say Johnny got extremely drunk and made a pass at Diddy. They also stated that the following gentlemen are involved in their circle of DL brothers: Arsenio Hall, Johnny Morton ( football player), and Benny Medina.

Will hockey survive?

2005-09-20T12:03:00.000-04:00

CCCP Scientists Declare Wet T-shirts "прохладный"

2005-09-20T11:31:00.000-04:00

Last week in Eastern Europe, a team of Slovakian scientists has discovered that wet t-shirts are "прохладный" (which is roughly translated to English as "cool"). These scientists have since been working tirelessly around the clock to further prove this astonishing finding true.

Mayor Street Introduces New Version of Word for Philadelphia Public Schools

2005-09-20T08:47:00.001-04:00

In effort to raise test scores in Philadelphia, Mayor John Street has issued a mandatory requirement that all public schools in Philadelphia use his new version of Word. Mayor Street has teamed up with gangsta rapper 50 Cent and now he proudly presents Word: Write letterz n shit, yo. This new software automatically translates ebonics into correct English.

Rapper 50 Cent, elementary school dropout, showed the students of Philadelphia how this innovative technology works. He stated," Mo chickenheads ain't fronting no bling on do droors. After being translated by the new Word, this statement reads, " I hope I don't get a disease from those unfaithful prostitutes I slept with.

Coleman and Hasselhoff to remake "Tango and Cash"

2005-09-19T15:03:00.000-04:00

International Mega-star David Hasselhoff and Little Black-guy Gary Coleman are teaming up for the up-coming Tango and Cash remake. Interestingly enough, Hasselhoff agreed to do the film only if he could work along side his boyhood idol, Emmanuel Lewis. Unfortunately, Webster rejected the gig due to a previous engagement. The former star of Baywatch and Knight Rider, in a bold move, then agreed to star in the movie if producers could get "the other little black guy from the '80's" to fill in for Lewis. Entertainment Tonight reports that Coleman has been living with Sylvester Stallone for the past 4 months, in hopes to fully grasp his role as Officer Ray Tango. Hasselhoff, however, has not yet been in contact with Kurt Russell about researching his role as Gabe Cash. It has been speculated that the two "hate each other's f--king guts", explains ET anchorwoman Mary Hart. The film has been slated for a Spring 2007 release and neither actor's salary has been disclosed.

Old dude keeps it real since early 1930's

2005-09-19T13:01:00.000-04:00

This elderly fellow, Ian H. Fishback, has been reportedly macking bitches since March of 1934. Researchers report that Fishback, a retired crab boat captain, has an uncanny knack of getting into the ladies' pants - young and old alike. He has run the gambit on almost every age demographic, nationality, race and creed imaginable. "Ass is ass is ass, thats what I always say", says Fishback, "the darker the berry, the sweeter the juice". Scientists determine that this wonderful non-discriminating bastard, nicknamed 'Zip' because of the sound his zipper makes when he removes his trousers, is the oldest-known living player in captivity in North America. Old 'Zip' has been wrecking boxes and breaking hearts throughout the entire east coast and as far west as Kansas City, Missouri. Fishback, an 87 year old native of Baltimore, claims that the only thing better than the BBQ ribs in Kansas City is the vagina. In his large basement, he has a glorious collection of postcards and various souvenirs on display from the numerous cities and towns in which he has made time with the ladyfolk. "The best lovin' is nameless and faceless", answered Fishback when asked why he doesn't have any pictures or personal memorabila from his previous conquests or vast stable of hoes, "I don't like to make it too personal between myself and the poontang ... bitches ain't nothing but trouble".

Will the Eagles Get Stomped Again ???

2005-09-16T11:27:00.000-04:00

The Philadelphia Crowd grew very cold and silent after the devestating blow by the mighty Falcon. The Fans said it would be an undefeated season. Will the 49ers lay out Owens and give him a hospital bed next to McNabb. I'm saying yes. 0-2

Mike Vick Owns the Eagles

2005-09-15T11:43:00.000-04:00

Schuylkill River - Do the fisherman really eat the fish

2005-09-15T10:51:00.000-04:00